I'm tired... all the ends
All the ends
Bringing back to my thumb

Peregrina el altiplano 
reza la verdad 
en el medio de la nada 
vela por la eternidad

“Don’t let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn’t go with it.” -Colin Powell

I've got a fire in my belly
I'm gonna take it and get it on telly

And tell the whole world how I feel about you

I’m a monster, 

I’m a killer

I know 

I’m wrong

I’m a problem

para salir de tras de ti ...

This video is the beginning of a long term project. I hope one day to make a good film out of it or maybe a book after.It should be watched a few times another to appreciate the details , although it is just a pilot .

I have been waiting for the time to experiment videos and film making since we live in a world full of images, shapes and colors put together frame by frame. I had the opportunity to work with photography before and I liked it very much.

In order to prepare this portfolio I had to draw, it was my first time doing this kind of work. I went to a literary and social science oriented High school and I found it extremely hard until I discovered that my dyslexia diagnosed two semesters before graduating from high school had to do with it.

I find myself while drawing using more emotions than the rational part of my brain .. hand motor skills or comparative logic ..scale. Many times, I feel nausea as well as palpitations because of the stress.te amo. Not too long ago, I did have to rush to the hospital for emergency help. Drawing puts me in contact with my emotions which helps me find the lines, curves, colors, shapes on the paper. It helps me also find out how shapes and color fight each other and how pencil pressure, graduation scale can make a whole image 3D to 2D...perspective. I even wrote this poem to help me interpret and see where do lines come from.

This one is in front of me

That one is going a way

This one is getting closer

That one is surrounding me

As you did hear in the video

The drawing of the human body ..being consius of scale members thru members and muscle thru muscle ..skin elasticity and color, made me realize that no big bang could have created that from nothing; it was designed and it is an oeuvre d'art (master piece)

"web quote"

What are the causes of the condition?

Although many instances of dyslexia are genetically determined, others may be related to damage to the brain in the fetus and young infant.

Dyslexia is often used as an excuse. The fact that I have been diagnosed late made me realize that if I had been diagnosed earlier I could be a conformist that is to say that I wouldn't be myself as I am now. Also, it makes me realize that there is a solution to everything. If you ask me if I had a chance to choose to be born with or without it, what would I do? I would say that I wouldn't change a thing since I like the way I am. I hope that later this project can help other dyslexic kids learn how to live better and get over it. I have decided that it will not stop me achieving my dream to become a fashion designer.

BRAIN SURGERY why not CAT SCAN as a name ?

In a brain surgery you have to open the head, be in touch with the brain, see it, cut it, touch it, and feel the gray matter as a surgeon. Seeing, touching and feeling your patient toughs images, memories feelings when they were little, may sound metaphorical. Thoughout our life, we will save random images that we pick up. Most of us will never use them. Recreating how to find them through that journey back into my head ..concepts, explanation for my behaviors ..thru all this years , it´s about finding how to use them in a creative way .

In the CAT SCAN, it is impossible to get the feeling that the surgeon experiments in a Surgery. There is no touching, there is no feeling.

The idea was to use the digital medium as a converter to recreate the different wiring of a dyslexic gray matter. Let´s suppose metaphorically that the gray matter was the negative, the real converter is our behavior. I hope that I could do so through moving images medium!

I suppose that in any normal or damaged brain there is a state of organized chaos. I remember in my early childhood how difficult it was to learn how to read time in a clock, to discriminate the letters such as C and S, M and N or to be able to tie my shoes , math ....agghhh!. I remember how writing was a nightmare to me.The yell of parents, teachers , the principal saying C' est pas difficil , On attend que Ebenz termine le devoir , pourquoi ..pourquoi.. Of course, I repeated first grade because of the concern of my teachers and my parents, but I still think it was really a misunderstanding, I was not dum! The teacher would show us blue and purple cards with pictures on them for us to learn by association but for me it wouldn't work, I had my own system. I had to do another type of association based on my daily life, for example "red is red" because when I saw it, I would mentally go back to my home and the smell of the nail polish that my mom used to use for her nails. I would directly smell the nail polish remover while seeing the red card in the class room. "Purple is purple" when I saw it, I would feel happy because somehow it was my favorite color and the survival kit goes on and on..for much more complicated stuff . It was not about confusing colors but associating a word with a color. To all of this, I will add the four languages that I have learned (French, Spanish , Creole and English). For each of them I experimented some kind of confusion. I had a very though time in High School .

On the other hand, learning languages was easy. I have lived in Argentina for 6 years and I was able to speak Spanish fluently during the fisrt three months. Also, I was able to read people body-language and emotions and compare differences between sounds and culture easily. My psychologist said that I should study psychology, he is still mad about it, but in my mind psychology is directly related to design and fashion. I wrote and said in the film "fashion is exactly what is not ...us people ..every second ..every heart beat...impulse by impulse" or "we wear what we think step by step beat by beat". I think my fashion love comes from another emotional part of my life joining my mom every month to her couturiere, to get made her new dress for work ..taken from catalogs or her own ideas ..watching how how she could transform her passion, authority , beauty , her life story...that nothing can stop me ..the "power walk" I call it ...into a dress . Fashion designing would be my way of expressing josefina deja de estar en putas.. my impulses ..feelings , fashion is my passion.

Anything can be used for creativity: broken glass jar can inspire buildings, a simple line in a drawing can create the "line of fire" of liberskind jewish museum. Gilbert and George use excrement and body fluids for their paintings. His majesty Mies Van Der Rohe uses almost nothing in construction. Galliano uses foreign culture or history religion in his purest form and of course in its highest. Dali deforms reality and uses video and sound. Barbara Kruguer with her political message and Giacomenti only uses gray. Senses be praised! Mind chaos is the best way to create because for me there is no box, but everybody is trying to get off the "box"

I had to realize all of this during the four months I have been in New York City . I did it through my research on how to draw or create while being dyslexic. I think if I had not been a dyslexic I would never discover all that and it wouldn't be so personal and meaningfull to me. Dyslexia may be a good thing, it´s not an handicap, this I have learned .

This is where the project comes from. All greatness comes from loss. I hope you like it and enjoy it. I also hope to be able to expand this project in the future.

Algún día en cualquier parte, en cualquier lugar indefectiblemente te encontrarás a ti mismo, y ésa, sólo ésa, puede ser la más feliz o la más amarga de tus horas.

cuanto más altos estamos, más debemos bajarnos hacia nuestros inferiores.

¿Qué cosa más grande que tener a alguien con quien te atrevas a hablar como contigo mismo?

Marco Tulio Ciceròn

just wink and smile, its all you have to do

You're so provocative, I'm so conservative
You're so adventurous, I'm so very cautious, combining
You think we would and we do, but we do, but we do, but we do

A million here, a million there

Yeah you got a mil but for real dog, nobody cares

If you don't share, you don't donate to charity

Children who can barely eat, no shoes on their feet

We don't see, we don't read, we don't really need to

Self-centered humans be the root of all evil

ST JOSEFINA

by Ebenz

I ain't got no fight in me

Your my perfect little punching bag,
And i need you,
Im sorry.

Me miraste descubriendo cada imperfecciòn de mi cuerpo, me sonreiste con amor y tocaste mis manos con tus càlidos dedos. Luego comenzaste a contarme historias de amor, dolor y adiòs...tus ojos eran demasiado sinceros para desconfiar y algunos hechos eran tan reales que llegaban a ponerme la piel de gallina. No comprendì a dònde querìas llegar, fue despuès que mis ojos se encontraron con tus palabras y pude ver como toda la pena que sentia por otros, se trasnformaba en una pena hacia mi misma. Entendì que el dolor era sobre mi triste corazòn, que cuando hablabas de amor lo hacìas en un tiempo pasado y que el adiòs era nuestro futuro...quedaba solo yo ahora, con mi pena, mis làgrimas. Sin embargo, valorè tu esfuerzo por sostenerme pero ya era demasiado tarde, habìa caìdo con tanta fuerza que nadie era capaz de poder levantarme...tanto llorè que no note la sed de mis ojos, y tanto pensè que mi cabeza empezò a dibujar paraisos inexistentes, imposibles...pero valorè tu esfuerzo, realmente. Quizàs pueda aferrarme a lo ùnico que sentis por mi; o mejor me puedo levantar y decirte que lo lamento pero no puedo perder la vida por alguien que no lo hace por mi...fue asì que la siguiente historia se convirtiò en una historia de amor, dolor y continuaciòn.

volvi para quedarme, volvi por vos
te extrañe